TDL 008: Temperament and Parenting (or Leading) with Grace

In the 1950’s, experts began researching temperament, after deciding that some kids were, in fact, just born more “difficult” than others. Heck, some PEOPLE are more difficult than others. This isn’t just a message for parents ;)

There have been nine traits determined that make up ones temperament. Each of us exhibits these traits on a continuum or spectrum as follows:

1. Activity Level. At baseline, is (s)he more or less active, energetic, etc? Low energy <–> High energy

2. Sensitivity. Where is one’s sensory threshold? Is there a high tolerance to changes in the environment? Low sensitivity <–> High sensitivity

3. Regularity. Does one wake, get hungry, etc at the same time? Unpredictable <–> Highly Predictable

4. Approach or Withdraw. In new situations or with new people, how does one first react? Withdraws <–> Approaches

5. Adaptability. This is different than #4, in that it refers to the amount of time (after the initial response) it takes for someone to adjust to the change in their environment. Slow to adapt <–> Adapts easily

6. Mood. Ones general mood or outlook. Unhappy/Negative <–> Happy/Positive

7. Intensity. How much energy does (s)he put into responses, either good or bad? Low intensity <–> High intensity

8. Persistence. The ability to stick with a task in spite of frustrations or difficulty. Low persistence <–> High persistence.

9. Distractibility. Not necessarily the opposite of persistence; while working (with low or high persistence), does one get easily distracted by and/or notice sights and sounds around him/her? High distractibility <–> Low distractibility

A “difficult” child is one that falls extremely high or extremely low on several (or all ;)) of the nine traits.

So what do we do with that information?

• Take time to understand your child(ren) or the people you lead. Everyone responds differently to discipline, motivation, compensation and rewards, etc. Find what works best for that individual.
• Give yourself permission to discipline and/or reward your children differently, even if they will call it unfair. It’s hard for children to understand that “fair” does not always mean “equal” or “the same”… but you, as you get to know how each of them is wired, need to do what is best for them.

Realize that giving them grace may look different than it does for you (or for other people in your family).

Parenting | Leadership | Personality | Discipline | Motivation