Don’t write it, I tell myself, it’ll be weird.
You were already asleep! Read more in the morning and try to get back to that place – you don’t get enough as it is.
And yet? The tears keep intermittently working their way out, usually just one or two at a time… and I start writing.
For the last six days or so, I have been remotely involved in and watching the search for Brogan Dulle. Though Brogan is just a distant relative of an acquaintance, I have gotten to know his mother and several cousins as a few thousand people in Cincinnati and beyond have mounted great efforts to find Brogan and bring him home.
Tonight, it was all but confirmed he has been found dead – in a vacant building right near his apartment.
Speculation is rampant, accusations and indignant remarks high. Why did it take so long? How dare we waste resources on a suicide? It never said suicide, it is clearly a murder in this town. Would-be murder mystery novelists come out of the woodwork and naive voices wail, “but there’s NO WAY _____”.
I lie here and cry. But why? I’m a mother, and of course burying our children is, I think, universally agreed upon as one of the worst possible things – no matter the age or reason.
It’s that, and so much more. Sometimes people get taken to “one of those neighborhoods” and forced to use and sell drugs (or themselves). It’s heartbreaking, as the world we live in is so utterly broken from the stain of sin.
Sometimes though? And I am by no means asserting this must be the case with this precious young boy (especially as the family is getting much of the news live with the rest of us – nauseating beyond belief, if you ask me)… Sometimes people hurt so bad they end their lives, with little or great intention. Good, well-rounded, absurdly-loved people. People who work with kids who admire them. People who light up a room and “know no strangers.” People whom those closest to would swear have absolutely nothing bothering them. Never seem to.
I know this first hand.
It’s not the fault of the people who “should have known something was wrong”. It’s not always the fault of their community for not loving them enough while they were alive.
I hate this, but I believe it: it sort of just is what it is. Depression, anxiety, mental illness – they know no bounds on this side of eternity.
I have no idea if Brogan Dulle took his own life, made a choice that mistakenly led to the end of it, or is a victim of someone else’s hand. It doesn’t matter really, his family and friends – and dare I say so many members of this community – are crushed. Devastated beyond understanding.
But I do know this – the kind of community that I watched rally around the Dulle family needs to rally around each and every person struggling with mental illness, difficult thoughts, battles with the value of their own life.
And if we are those people? We need to speak.
Can I help you speak? To find your voice and ask for help?
Jhanis
How awfully sad. I cannot imagine what his family is going through right now. I can totally understand feeling emotional when things like this happen, even if we don’t know them personally. That is somebody’s child. Ever since I had kids, I get too emotional when I hear news like this.
Prayers for the family and hoping they find peace a midst this painful time.
Sherri Adelman
Thanks so much for this post. It is tragic and I will pray for his family as I drive to work this morning. You are so right about the need to rally around those with mental illness. It is hard to understand even for the person going through it (I know because I suffer with major depressive disorder, social and general anxiety disorder, and PTSD. It sucks.)
It is so sad that this family has to go through burying their child. It should never be that way and yet so often I have seen it happen… too often I have seen it happen.
Thanks again for writing.
[email protected]
Such a heart-felt post. I am often touched and concerned with news reports of missing children (of any age) and my heart breaks when the outcome is tragic.
You expressed yourself beautifully. I know you had doubts about writing it, but it is often cathartic to have the option to do so. Here’s hoping for more positive endings to such difficult searches.
Shelly Tiffin
Giving a voice to the voiceless is so important. While they may not be able to speak for themselves, we can stand up and speak for them as you just have. What a tragic loss that we can all identify with in some way. I don’t know Brogan Dulle, but my heart breaks for those who did and for his family. I pray that this pain is not wasted and it continues to bring light to those with mental illnesses.
Camilla
Every suicide could be prevented (if this is what that was) but we as a society are not taught the signs or anything about what can cause a person to choose that route so it’s usually only afterwards the dots are connected, unfortunately. Education is the key to preventing this on both ends. His family and friends will forever hurt and wonder why and what if. Heartbreaking! I hope they find peace eventually.
Michelle
Yes! I could not agree more! Beautiful.
Joan
Thank you for being so transparent on such a sad topic.
Becca
This is a heartbreaking story, and sadly–one that keeps repeating itself. I look forward to a time when we have this all figured out and know how to help.
Lindsay Ensor
This is beautiful… and the part that struck me, that mental illness knows no bounds this side of eternity… it literally made my heart skip a beat. How true that is and and perfectly stated. No truer words…
Martha
It is so important that we pull things like this out of the darkness and into the light of discussion, processing and mourning. THAT is how we prevent this from happening again. For too long mental illness has been stigmatized and allowed to flourish in the shadows of shame. So thankful for people like you who are bringing it into the light!