[clickToTweet tweet=”We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, to have the life that is waiting for us.” quote=”We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell”]I’m a planner. I’m such a planner, in fact, that there have been countless times in my life that when plans went awry I was paralyzed with indecision and frustration. I’ve gotten much better at rolling with the punches, but suffice it to say I’m still a huge fan of lists, schedules, calendars, spreadsheets, task lists and other fabulous organizational tools. In other words, I’m a giant nerd. No shame.
Sometimes in life though, our best-laid plans fall through don’t they? And I don’t just mean the times when we plan a ridiculously elaborate party for 120 people and the reserved venue is suddenly unavailable and you have to improvise the morning of the event (a scenario just pulled out at random?). I mean the plans that we think give us life. The plans that are going to change the world, or at least change other live as they change our own. The plans where all of our interests and passions collide and everything seems like it’s just meant to be.
Those are the setbacks that still shake me. Sometimes, perhaps often, they fall apart not because they were bad plans but because they involved flawed human beings that (by our very nature) tend to screw things up. Other times they fall apart because while they seemed good – even great! perfect! unstoppable! – there is something better for us.
I struggle in those times of “in between” because sometimes I don’t know which thing happened that changed my path. I struggle with what to do with changes in plans that leave me feeling confused.
I read a friend’s (amazing) blog today and his question was this: “Is there something you’ve been holding onto that doesn’t matter?” and it made me angry. Not at him, for the record. But at life.
What if the things we are holding onto do matter? I yell, at nobody in particular. What if they are friendships that have been crucial in our development? What if they’re dreams of becoming a parent? What if they’re perfectly in line with what we are confident we were made to do, and yet they still aren’t working out? In fact, they are draining the very life out of us that they purport to give?
I don’t know. I’ve sat in various seasons of life wrestling with these questions time and time again, and don’t feel any closer to the answer. I don’t know when it’s right to move on from something. I don’t know the best way to do that. Certainly it’s different in each situation, but even in general – I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.
I do know a few things, though. I know that as Robert Frost said (paraphrased), “Life can be summed up in three words: it goes on.” I know that all things work together for our good, for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28). I know that someday we’ll be in a new season, with new challenges, new exciting adventures, new hopes and new pains. And I know that in each of them, we can find just enough solid ground on which to stand as we learn, over and over and over, that we are not in control… and that’s ok.
Kim
Personally I feel that when something doesn’t seem to want to work out after a couple of good-hearted attempts, then it’s time to move on, at least for now. I feel, for me at least, that when something is meant to be then it just happens- so easily, even if it seemed like there’s no way it could have. Don’t waste too much time demanding something to work out, it may someday, but maybe just not now so don’t fret it. Just move on happily and know deep in your heart that if and when the time comes for that, God will make that path SO smooth for you that it becomes obvious to you that you’re doing the right thing. :)
Jennifer Kaufman
In my head, I know you’re absolutely right Kim – not that the right path always starts out smooth or never encounters any bumps, but that after putting some heart and prayer into things the right path becomes much clearer. I suppose the place I’m writing from today is one where those things change – and I know (again, maybe just in my head), that they do. When things come together in a way that is only explained by the fact that they’re just “right”, because they certainly couldn’t be based on anything you’ve done, and then the time comes to let go… that’s tough for me. I can’t read this reminder enough though, thank you!
Kim
You’re doing such a wonderful job working through these difficult, yet very human, issues. God will surely bless you with success! Keep exploring; your bound to find your own personal place of peace. <3
a terrible husband...
Wow. I’m impressed that you’re exploring these emotions and honored to have played a small role in the process.
I’ve had to let go of several things that matter and there’s certainly no way to accept it or completely just “move on” and “let go.” But what has worked best for me to cope is to only let go of what is necessary and hold in my heart the things that can’t be taken away, like memories, images in my head, and laughs shared with loved ones. We’re human, so we’re flawed. But in my mind and heart I believe that we have gifts to share and when we have to let go of something that matters it gives us the opportunity to embrace other things that matter.
The only other things that trips me up is exploring and identifying what truly matters. If I planned a party – an important party – and had 120 people waiting it would kill me inside if the venue cancelled. My heart would ache. I would picture 120 people standing in the parking lot with nothing to do. And I’d hope that I’d have the presence of mind to order some pizzas, open the hatch of the biggest SUV in the bunch, blare my favorite music and make it the best darn parking lot dance party in history! :)
Jennifer Kaufman
I love both points you made – about holding onto what can’t be taken away, and the reminder that there is more in store we need to make room for, so to speak. Thanks for stopping by! Good luck with your big move! :)
a terrible husband...
Thanks, and thanks! We’re looking forward to it.
Jessica Byrwa
Thank you for your words Jenn. I’m in an incredibly beautiful but heartbreaking season right now in my life. I completely am with you on that last paragraph. One thing that I can say for sure is that if we lean on Him even when the whole world is falling around us we will find that piece of solid ground. I am testimony to that. I just found your blog today. I look forward to reading more!
Jennifer Kaufman
Jess! Thanks so much for reading. I too am going through a heartbreaking transition. You’ll be in my prayers! Feel free to email if you need anything!
Heather
This spoke deep into my heart today. As someone who is also a planner, I often find myself with clinched fists and watery eyes as “my” best laid plans seem to crumble all around me. It’s very easy for me to quickly spiral into feeling sorry for myself and being mad and disappointed at God and anyone and everyone else.
“And I know that in each of them, we can find just enough solid ground on which to stand as we learn, over and over and over, that we are not in control… and that’s ok.” Praying this for myself and for you, my friend!
Jennifer Kaufman
Ahh yes – the disappointment with God, and morseo ourselves. I’m thinking you and I are wired with many of the same struggles. If only I could also be as funny as your latest entry! Thank goodness for Target! :) Praying with you for all of us mamas who struggle to relinquish control!
Leah Davidson
Sometimes things don’t work out and we just have to believe that maybe, just maybe, someone knows what is better for us. Hard to do, I know, but I have seen it so many times in my life: thank goodness my life didn’t go as I had planned it:)
Jennifer Kaufman
Thank you so much for reading! You’ve reminded me of a super important tool in these seasons. If we are honest with ourselves, we can see such evidence of times God really knew better than we did! ;) Hanging onto that truth is so helpful… And you’re right, thank goodness everything *doesn’t* go exactly as we plan!
John @ run. geek. run(disney)
A very nice piece. It really is hard to know sometimes. Most times. I know I have those same momenta. Sometimes I just keep pushing forward, even when I have no idea, and find it on the way before I pass it by.
Jennifer Kaufman
Thanks for stopping by. It really is hard, but yes – time tends to provide clarity and/or closure :) So excited to check out your blog. run, Disney, geek – I think I can get on board with that.