This post was originally written in 2013, and has been updated once or twice through the years. Many people have reasons they don’t celebrate Santa with their family, don’t allow their children to believe in the guy at the North Pole, etc. We have our own… but I assure you they aren’t meant to judge your family’s decision. If your celebration includes the guy in the red suit, you’ll be relieved to know he shows up at our church’s Christmas Eve Eve service – and we happily take photos with him whenever we can. đ
Should we teach our children to believe in Santa Claus?
Oh, the Santa Conversation. Â I used to think it was one only evangelical Christians had, but with the wonders of the internet I’m learning that people all over – of all different backgrounds and beliefs – have oh-so-many opinions on the guy in the red suit. Â It’s always a little awkward when people ask my 6-year-old about visits with (or from) Santa, because he’s “just a story” in our family.
So what gives? Â Why do we rob our children of the joys of childhood like monster parents?
For the record, nobody I know in real life has said anything like that to us. Â And for the most important record, the people on the internet who say things like that (from either end of the spectrum – they come in all kinds) need to chill out. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…
Common Reasons to Skip Santa – but not OUR Reasons
Some common theories as to why we’ve chosen this route, and my thoughts on each. Â Take them for what they’re worth:
1. The Broken Trust Theory
(“When my kid finds out Santa isn’t real they’ll never believe anything else I said {especially about God, Jesus, etc}”)
I’ve actually thought this one for a fleeting moment, especially with the similarities we assign to Santa and God. Â That said, I’ve never met anyone who said they were just about to enter a relationship with the Lord of the universe but they just couldn’t get over the hurdle of the one time their parents lied to them about the Jolly Old Elf. Â If that’s you, I’m really sorry. Let’s grab a cup of hot chocolate.
{Editors Note: It’s now December 2018. It’s 5 years after this was originally published, 10 years after we made this decision for our family, and 35 years that I’ve been on this earth. And this year, I actually heard just this from an atheist who had wrestled with this very idea for much of his childhood. I really would love to buy him a cup hot chocolate and, because that really does make me a little sad. I’m not sure why, but that’s probably for a different post….}
2. The Big Fat Liar Theory
(“‘Do not lie’ is one of the Ten Commandments, for crying out loud. Â I would never lie to my kids.”)
First, I want to believe you – I really do. Â But did you literally not have $0.75 for that candy bar the other day? Â Do you really believe your child can be anything they want to be? (Ouch. That one sucks for all of us.) Â We lie to our kids all the time. Â Is it right? Â Probably not. Â Is it a good idea to try to be the best we can rather than chucking effort out the window because it’s hard to be perfect? Â I’m pretty sure that’s commanded of us if we are followers of Jesus – and not a bad idea, even if we aren’t. Â Still, to fight tooth-and-nail on this topic based on “never lying”? Â That seems a flimsy argument to me.
For us though, it would also be the most hypocritical choice we could make. Â We are a family of Disney fanatics. Â It was a sad day when my kids started asking questions about Mickey and all of his friends that we almost always caught at the exact time they were also at Disney World. Â We adore all of our friends in Disney Parks and ships and will continue interacting with them and believing in them and their ridiculously cool magic as long as we live. Â I have no problem with buying wholeheartedly into fantasy and make-believe. Â Obviously.
3. The Christian Origin Theory
(Lesser-known Eleventh Commandment: “Let us not take Christ out of Christmas.”)
This one I get… in moderation. I think our focus should absolutely be on the baby who came to change the world and give us life. I think after that comes family and tradition and serving others and quality time together. And somewhere down the line comes presents. And maybe mixed in there, if you want, is a little bit of St. Nick or Santa. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
I do however have a problem with people going all Westboro-lite and protesting the heck out of the letter X (especially knowing the etymological background) or wanting to karate chop people who choose to allow their kids to believe the North Pole exists just as it does in Elf (one of the best Christmas movies ever, obviously). And don’t get me started on the embarrassing outrage about the red Starbucks cups.
I do have a problem with Christmas being about entitlement and debt and a lack of self-control. I have a problem with people clinging to the belief that Christmas actually started out as a remotely Christian holiday. But to me, any of these issues are more about keeping the focus on Christ than on lambasting Santa.
4. The “Credit Where Credit is Due” Theory
This one might be self-explanatory – or maybe I’m just selfish. I love giving gifts. I am giddy when I put the final touches on something that took a lot of effort or purchase and give something that shows I was listening and thinking of someone all year long. I love watching my kids open presents that I know are perfect for them, and then watching them play with them month after month, long after Christmas passes. (My secret?  Get them what they *really* want, not what they say they want while watching YouTube)
For real though. Why should Santa get all the credit? No, seriously. We work so very hard for our families, and in addition to thoughtfulness and generosity, there is often a very real monetary sacrifice during the holiday season. I want to make my child’s day, even if a little part of Christmas does turn out to come from a store.
5. The “Breaking and Entering” Theory
So, I don’t know if it’s just a new world or what, but I’m dead serious when I say I would be freaked the heck out if I thought too long about a stranger having access to my house and roaming around my living room while we all slept. Maybe it’s because I’m a little crazy, or maybe it’s smart. I can assure you this, though, I have at least one child who would ask the very same, very fear-driven questions.
OUR Reason for Foregoing Santa at Christmastime
So if none of these are the reason we really use for celebrating Christmas without any focus on a person who brings us gifts made in his workshop by elves, why do we make the choice we do?
It’s grace.
We miss the point ENTIRELY of the babe in the manger if we celebrate His birthday by earning gifts, being good, impressing that creepy shelf elf so he gives a good report (sorry, pro-elf parents).
I want my kids to know I love them even when they feel they didn’t earn my love. I want them to know God loves them even though they certainly can’t earn His.
[clickToTweet tweet=”I want my kids to know I love them even when they feel they didn’t earn my love.” quote=”I want my kids to know I love them even when they feel they didn’t earn my love. I want them to know God loves them even though they can’t earn His.”]
So that’s that. We had a conversation with each of our children when they were old enough, about how different families celebrate – and how it’s not our place to tell other kids he’s just a character in stories. They do delight in talking about St. Nicholas, which eases my mind a bit. They know that it’s up to other mommies and daddies to tell their kids about Santa when it’s right for their family. Otherwise, they’ve never been bothered about it for one second.
Am I worried they will be? Not even a little. My memories of Santa, despite leaving cookies and milk for him each year and all the rest of the “Santa things” one must do, are limited to figuring out that his handwriting matched my mother’s. It’s just a blip in time, not something that I have any feelings about one way or another; I have no other memories that make me feel like my children are missing out on anything.
The things I do remember about my childhood Christmases are looking at lights. Singing carols. Watching movies with my family. Decorating the tree.
We do all this and more, and I think if we’re honest with ourselves the Santa Conversation is one that’s probably not worth as much of our energy as some of us give it.
But grace? Grace is something for which I need all the help I can get. I’m so glad that, for my family, it works out well to make it all the rage at Christmas.
What about you and your family? Â Do you do the Santa thing? Â Do you balance Santa and Jesus a different way?
healingandsurviving
I despise the elf and threatening my kids with “you had better be good, or Santa won’t bring you (insert toy of the year)”. I take my kids to get their pictures with Santa and they write their letters “just like the kids in the stories” mainly because I like the holiday festivities. Not once has it been because they have asked…ha! But, our boys know that their gifts come from us, that we work hard to earn our money and that we give gifts for Christmas because God gave us a special gift at Christmas. I’ve fallen, at times, to the materialism of Christmas which I always swore I would never do… but with a love language of gifts, I can’t help but want to take advantage of this time of year and pour my heart into gifts for people I love. I was raised how you are raising your girls- Santa was just a character in a story- and I’ve honestly never thought a thing of it. Dave was raised with the Santa idea and he’s not phased either. So, I don’t overanalyze it, I just want my kids to know that Jesus was born and why he was born. I like to keep things simple.
Jennifer Kaufman
Linds, I think you are exactly right. We tend to overcomplicate things! I totally relate to the gift giving propensity, too. I did read recently an article about enjoying the ability to say “yes” on Christmas after saying “no” so much throughout the year. That resonated with me, and I think as long as our focus is right and our kids learn the heart and meaning of Christmas, the gifts – however many we end up with – are ok đ
Deandras Crafts
You are an excellent writer! I’m glad you have not experienced someone telling you “how sad” your childhood must have been growing up without Santa. I have had that happen twice, by two different women who love me very much.
I was raised on No. 2 above, the whole not lying thing. I wrote a post on the topic myself as a means of communicating my thoughts with my children when they are old enough and interested enough to read my blog. In a nutshell, my husband (who was raised on Santa) and I initially argued over it. My “not lying thing” was blown when I finally realized that I did lie to my children, almost exactly as you describe above. We balance the Santa/Christ centered Christmas by doing a devotional every day on preparing for Christ’s birth. We sing happy birthday to Jesus on December 24th before opening the first of the gifts they will receive the following day. Although my husband was raised as a believer, his parents were not good at keeping Christ in Christmas as we do now.
We definitely compromised on many things and ideas with our children as we age.
There is one present that comes from Santa, my kids do not know that we buy it. I’m okay with that now. That’s a huge step for me as my 25-year old self would have been livid at the thought. Thank you for allowing me to share!
Jennifer Kaufman
Thank you so much for your reply! Yes, my husband and I actually both “did Santa” growing up, but it really just wasn’t a big deal – then, and certainly not looking back. Isn’t it funny though, how even if we feel conviction about something we might not exactly know why as we grow up and nail down our reasons? The one I believed most was, as I mentioned, the idea of breaking my kids’ trust. Despite really taking time to hash out why I feel the way I do, though, I’ve always felt like playing Santa up was a little “off” for me. I think that’s why even non-believers come to similar conclusions, maybe for different reasons.
I do like your idea of giving one gift from Santa. I think if we would have chosen to have him show up, that might have been a route we took. Allows for the fun and the belief if it’s important without taking all the focus (or credit ;)).
Merry Christmas!
Anita D. Sullivan
We do Santa– but I’m on the same exact page with you on Grace. I wrote about it last year after having struggles with the idea of scaling back to focus only on Christ and doing less and I decided that this was such a chance to teach my kids Grace. We do Santa, but never use the threat of being good, because of that reason. Here was my post if you want to check it out: http://anitadavissullivan.com/2011/12/giving-beyond/
Jennifer Kaufman
I loved your post! Thank you so much for sharing, and for commenting here!
Larry Sprague
My daughter in law asked me to read this. It seems to me you don’t like the idea of “I don’t want to lie to my kids” so I will tell them Santa doesn’t exist. They followed that philosophy. It’s their kid but I surely wouldn’t take the idea of Santa away from a kid. They learn soon enough that Santa is a mythical person and he is just the spirit of Christmas, but not to be put ahead of Christ, the real reason for Christmas.
Jennifer Kaufman
For me, I see the thought process of not wanting to lie to my kids – but as I said, we definitely participate in other “lies”, if one classifies make-believe and fantasy a lie. We go to great lengths to enjoy the magical fun of other characters. At Christmas though, it just seemed unnecessary to add much to the already beautiful, complete story – especially from the “you better be good” standpoint.
I have to say though, I appreciate your comment – and your respect for your children’s (and spouses) wishes. I can only imagine how hard it will be to watch my own make choices differently than I would like – about things small and much larger.
Thanks for your comment!
Kim DeVilbiss
We do Santa here, but he’s certainly not the focus of Christmas. I have gone back and forth as to whether or not we are “lying” to our kids, or if one day they’ll be confused about all the other things we have taught them, especially things about God. But we put ALL of our focus on Jesus and his birth. Santa is just fun. Santa fills the kids stockings, and we take care of the gifts under the tree. It’s something they know will happen, and they are excited about their stockings, but they know that Mom and Dad worked hard to save for and buy the gifts under the tree. I feel similar to you, I want the credit for those gifts!! đ We actually have a fun tradition we do every year, and the kids really look forward to it. We have our nativity scene out all season, but Jesus is not in the manger. On Christmas Eve, I wrap him in something simple, usually a paper towel or even tp, and then I hide him. The kids first job in the morning is to find Baby Jesus. They love it! Once he’s found and opened, he’s placed carefully in the manger and we sing happy birthday to him. Then we read Luke 2, and THEN we open gifts. It has taught them patience while waiting to open the gifts! Oh, and this year the kids have finally asked for that silly elf. And I caved. We have not introduced him to the kids yet, and he will be “From Santa”, BUT, we are adding an extra spin on him. He will move around like all the other elves do, but each day he will leave a simple act of kindness for the kids to do. Bake cookies and take them to a neighbor. Shovel a driveway without getting paid. Say something nice to each sibling. Do your chores without being told. Etc. But he’s not going to report back to Santa each night, and their gifts are certainly not dependent on their behavior. It think it’ll just be a fun way to look for different ways to show kindness. All in all, like you, we like make-believe. I am ok with my kids having an imagination and believing in magic. One day, like Santa, my daughter will realize that Elsa and Cinderella are fictional characters as well. I do not believe that will mess up their view of God, though. Just my 2 cents. đ Great article and well written!
Jennifer Kaufman
I LOVE your perspective on this. You have provided so many new “practical” ways to continue to keep Jesus front and center. We won’t ever do that blasted elf đ but I think we might adopt some of your other traditions next year!
Emily
My husband didnât âdoâ Santa growing up, but I definitely did. My parents even still say that Santa got them their presents that they open from each other on Christmas morning. I probably âbelievedâ a little longer than most. My parents also never told me he wasnât real, and will probably never admit it. So when we started our family and my husband began explaining his reasoning to me and being very insistent that we not raise our children to believe in Santa, it broke my heart a little. My daughter is 1 and this is her second Christmas, our approach is to have gifts for her on Christmas morning from us. I love your âgraceâ approach, it has definitely helped me wrap my head around things. But, where I still struggle is with my family. How do I approach their judgment that we donât âdoâ Santa?